I’m usually a very level-headed, hardcore, perfectionist, who plugs away at the tasks at hand with no thought of quitting.

Well…I’ve been so stinking distracted as of late, that I can’t seem to get anything done. Actually, that’s not true. I’ve gotten a lot done. I’ve just gotten it done completely wrong.

For example, the other day, I managed to blow up a chicken in the microwave. When I say blow up, I’m talking I thought the house was going to fall off its foundation.

See, what happened was….

I got some frozen chicken breasts out of the freezer and placed them carefully in a microwave safe bowl to defrost. Somehow, my little distracted soul thought “cook” meant “defrost” and 18 minutes later, I was throwing children in the closet and yelling “COVER YOUR HEAD WITH YOUR HANDS AND DON’T COME OUT UNTIL I TELL YOU!”

That’s when I tiptoed in to the kitchen (because, I guess maybe I thought some random intruder planted a bomb in my microwave), to discover that I had successfully Salmonella’d (it’s totally a word) every square inch of the kitchen. And a good portion of the ceiling.

The very next day, I thought I could redeem myself by placing some meat in the good ol’ crock pot, in order to fix  Get a Husband Brunswick Stew.

I put the meat in to cook…and forgot about it. When I remembered it, it was something like a cross between jerky and charcoal. I mean, seriously, who burns meat in a crock pot?

Distracted much?

The stress, it’s eating me alive.

However, there is one, tiny thing that makes me think I’m not that bad off. A few Easter’s ago, my best friend decided that she thought it would be a great idea to microwave her eggs in boiling water to hard boil them.

If you put an egg in the microwave, when you crack it, it explodes.

It is hard to get egg off a ceiling.

I’m avoiding the kitchen at all costs…lest I cause pigs or fish to fly!